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Say It Well Or Don’t Say It At All.

By on September 8, 2014
say it well

When You’ve Got Something to Say, Say It Well.

There are times in every relationship when we feel it’s important that we communicate how we’re feeling to our partner. We may have issues, annoyances, be upset, or there may be an occasion when we want something that’s perceived to be a little extreme or out of the ordinary and we need to set aside time to discuss it.

It can be tempting to second-guess how suspect our words will be received, what the reaction will be. This mindset can be compounded if we’re already feeling uneasy or apprehensive at voicing our request. We may have hesitations or concerns as to what the outcome will be.

This attitude can put us at a disadvantage before we even open our mouths and cause tension and stress to occur in our relationship. If we anticipate problems, setbacks and disapproval before anything has even been said this can cause an unfair impression of the other person to develop which may have no bearing on reality. Over time that impression can seriously color the quality of the relationship.

So, let’s look at those times when you’ve got something to say and find ways to say it well:

– When we anticipate trouble ahead we prepare mentally in order to protect ourselves. That expectation will influence how we behave, the words we use, our tone of voice, body language. Even if you’re feeling a little nervous it’s far better to try to maintain a neutral stance where you’re keen to ascertain all the facts rather than jump to conclusions and preempt what happens next.

– Focus on a good outcome and think positively about what it is that you want. When we say ‘I don’t suppose’, ‘I know I’m wasting my time asking’ or ‘you won’t like this, but’ we’re setting the scene for a negative outcome. Many people don’t realise how negative they sound, what type of message they’re communicating to others, how it influences other people’s perceptions. Over time our thought patterns become a habit; ensuring that we develop good habits is crucial to our success.

– Scatter positive suggestions and assumptions into your conversations. It sews the seeds for your success. Subtlety is the key. Referring to something that you want to receive/achieve/or expect to happen in a positive way can smooth the pathway to your desired outcome and remove the possibility of any other option.

– Be aware that you present yourself in a positive way by your use of words, body language, tone of voice. You reinforce your message by nodding, smiling, accentuating all the positive benefits. Pause when you say something of especial significance and let your words take effect. Don’t rush when speaking as that can indicate discomfort, embarrassment, uncertainty or a lack of confidence in what you’re saying. By speaking slower you indicate that you’re feeling calm, in control and happy to take your time.

– Be aware of any areas of dissent or controversy and be ready to appreciate the other person’s point of view, be prepared to acknowledge those concerns. Have reasoned responses ready in reply and maybe even deal a little with those points in advance of them being raised. By doing this you demonstrate consideration, empathy and an appreciation of the other person’s opinion.

– Be prepared to give ground on things that are less important to you. Good negotiation includes a readiness to compromise. If, for example, a young person wanted to go to a late night party compromise might mean agreeing to be dropped off or picked up at a certain time. This could mean that their parents drop them off or pick them up afterwards, they’re allowed to go to the party and their parents feel relieved knowing where child is and that they’re traveling safely.

– Letting the other person claim credit for your good ideas can sometimes be a useful negotiation tactic. Guiding a discussion and interspersing clever ideas, hints or suggestions can sometimes result in those ideas being suggested by the other person as if they’d thought of them. You can smile whilst getting what you want and allow them to feel good about their inspired thinking. Being generous allows everyone to enjoy a win/win result.

Being clear about your wishes and projecting yourself in a positive way demonstrates confidence in yourself and how you feel. When you take responsibility for your happiness and feel good about your decisions everyone around you benefits. By being calm and assertive you can overcome objections, sometimes in advance of them being raised. When we clarify our thoughts, overcome negative thinking and present ourselves as valuable, deserving and positive we’re able to say what we’ve got to say well.

Susan Leigh is a Counselor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples experiencing relationship difficulties to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.

For more articles, information or to make contact please visit http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?When-Youve-Got-Something-to-Say,-Say-It-Well&id=8650651] When You’ve Got Something to Say, Say It Well by Susan Leigh.

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