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What Does a ‘Soul Mate’ Mean to You?

By on September 1, 2014
soul mate

Here’s an interesting and somewhat controversial topic to launch right into but given what I’ve read from many different sources it bears investigation.

The term ‘Soul Mate’ defined by Wikipedia states:

A soulmate (or soul mate) is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, friendship, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and trust.

Subject to interpretation the description above offers a slightly broader meaning of  the term ‘soul mate’ to include that of strong friendship, trust and compatibility as well as the usual love, passion and romantic version. So, does this mean we could have a ‘soul mate’ relationship in a totally platonic fashion too?

What does Soul Mate mean to you?

From a female perspective, when we refer to be looking for or to have found our ‘soul mate’ we are normally referring to a romantic and intimate type of relationship. However, these are the characteristics that we should also be looking for in our ‘soul mate’ are they not? Wouldn’t you want to bundle up all of the above into one great ball of awesomeness that you connected with on a special level?

Throughout our lives many of us have held out for what we almost think is an impossible dream… finding our ‘soul mate’. Society has conditioned us to believe the ‘soul mate’ relationship to be that of enduring and endless passion, an entity of two people that can never be torn apart and need little or no stimulation from the outside world. However, does that sound like a healthy recipe to you?

Perhaps we need to look a little deeper at the whole ‘soul mate’ saga. As defined above your ‘soul mate’ relationship should offer all of these wonderful qualities but not in a clingy, claustrophobic way. Whilst your ‘soul mate’ should support and cherish you and vice verse check out Annette Vaillancourt’s slant on things:

1. A statement that “your ‘soul mate’ MAKES you feel entirely whole, healed and intact.” This may be splitting hairs, but nobody MAKES you feel anything… and the only person who is responsible for your wholeness is YOU.

2. Next, defining the  ‘soul mate’ relationship as being “intense.” This is a dangerous statement because people can confuse emotional intensity, aka drama, for love or intimacy. It is NOT. Intensity is an unhealthy sign of enmeshment, the blurring of boundaries between you and another person.

3. Should ‘soul mates’ be “mentally inseparable?” This is yet another unhealthy idea. Yes, there can be synchronicities, such that you are thinking of each other and reach for the phone to call each other at the same time, but this is not to be confused with a fusion of egos. A ‘soul mate’ should always be perceived as “other.” This acknowledges their independent existence and reinforces the physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries. To be “inseparable” is a sign of co-dependency, not healthy intimacy. For there to be true intimacy, there must be a different “other” to know.

4. Thinking that ‘soul mates’ equal “you two against the world.” In my view, ‘soul mates’ should be “you two FOR the world.” If you isolate and only enjoy each other, then your love is selfish and self-serving. That is not the way of the soul.

5. Being with your ‘soul mate’ should NOT make you feel “secure and protected.” Ask anyone in a truly dynamic, intimate relationship if they feel safe. Joseph Campbell said that on the day of his wedding he felt like he was going to his own crucifixion. If you are to grow personally and spiritually, you need to be challenged, not protected. The soul is not static. It is dynamic. It builds and destroys – for the purpose of our evolution.

6. Finally, you CAN and MUST be able to imagine your life without your ‘soul mate’ as they and everyone you love will eventually be gone. An over-focus on the person is a form of attachment that leads to suffering. This is one of the Noble Truths of Buddhism. I am not saying don’t love and care for your partner, but don’t make them the center of the universe. Yes, it may hurt and you will grieve when your ‘soul mate’ leaves or dies, but your life is not over when that happens. You have many more lessons to learn.

Thanks Annette for sharing your ideas via your Ezine Articles. It certainly opens things up to a different interpretation.

For help and guidance to meet the man of your dreams check out Real Women, Real Love.

About Moyra Matson

Finally... a site that is “all about you”! Double My Dating has been designed by us, for you, to do exactly what it states... double YOUR dating opportunities. If you are tired of : sitting on the couch night after night... struggling to find a suitable partner for functions... having no one to share the highlights of your day with... having no emotional and physical support from a “significant other”... then, Double My Dating is for YOU! Targeted to the 30 plus age bracket (but not restricted) our Blog is an upbeat, no holds barred exploration of the roller coaster of relationships. Designed to empower and motivate women who want to make good choices, have fun and most of all, fall in love.

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